For the past 4 months or so, I have been feeling very very negative. Everywhere my head went was negative. As a result, it left me pretty down and feeling pretty yuck about life. I'm going to put it down to a few reasons I know are definatly responsible, and others, things I know I will always battle with.
Firstly, and excitingly, I'm almost 4 months pregnant. So, let's put a small percentage of raging hormones in their as one of the culprits. This is my second pregnancy, and it's been the biggest shock. With percy, my first, I pretty much had no symptoms what so ever. Didn't even look pregnant for a really long time. This time, the morning sickness hit me so hard, it actually stopped me from living. For some, it's a blessing to rest and just take things slow, but for me, it took away the things that bring joy to my life. I wasn't able to cook or eat much, was in no mood for opshopping, and didn't step into my craft room. Every now and then I'd have a moment where I could manage a cake, or crochet something, but it couldn't last long. It made me really miserable, because now I had nothing to my life, except feeling sick and looking after a toddler who sadly sat in front of a tv for too many hours in each day. It's all I could do. I hated it.
Then, on top of all that, I was very controlled by the whole keep quiet for 3 months thing. I hate hate hate it. And I hated doing it. It made me negative. It made me wait to see if I'd lose the baby. It made me overthink everything and pretty much death was on my mind. Instead of celebrating the fact I had a baby growing in me, I instead waited to see if I'd lose it. For me, and I respect other people's need to keep quiet, but for me, it's so damn stupid. It forced me to battle in silence, rather than get support from my family and friends if, and that's if , I lost the baby. I'm out of that silent time now, and it felt so dumb spreading the good news, as if now nothing could go wrong! I was sadly so controlled by all that, and I will never do it that way again.
So besides pregnancy sadly playing a part in my negativity, I've had to fight the media and news. I'm aware that there is always something on the news that is going to stir negative emotions in people. And it should, if we have any heart and concern, we should feel something. But my problem with the media and the news, is how much it's in our faces. I've really struggled with being force fed the news, when I am not a news reader or watcher. I don't buy the paper and I don't watch news reports. Yet, I found myself getting so bombarded by news headlines and stories, even when not looking for them. Part of my negative reaction to the news is my personal battles I do face. I do struggle with automatic negative thinking, as well as anxiety and post traumatic stress. I do make things personal and don't have the ability to process everything logically so get help when I need. But, I'm not going to take full responsibility when I believe the media, Internet, news, and some people, don't take any either. Here's my big statement, and sorry if you work in the news industry, but I think the news is as terrorising as the people they are reporting about. The images, shock language, headlines, they are thought about to get our attention. They need to be shocking, scary and attention grabbing, so I buy the paper, watch the news or click the link. Yet, no responsibility is taken for how, we, the people receiving this, now have to handle and process this. And it's not just once a day, like when I was a child, when the news would come on at 6, and if you wanted you could watch what happend in the world that day, it's now every couple of minutes, whether that's a news ads, images from news papers being stuck on shop windows, headlines being pasted all over fb and social media, or even people you know, choosing to share negative stories from the day. I don't even think the news is news anymore. A lot is opinion, headlines to get your attention that aren't about anything happening, just a topic of conversation. The fact that you have news channels competing for our attention, means of course they will do what they need to get our attention.
It started to make me think the world is going crazy. More things are happening, more bad is in the world. But I've decided, this is not so. Instead, we are hearing the same thing, over and over in the day, that we cannot escape it, so it becomes how and what we think and see. Here's an annoying example. I recently bought a new laptop. While trying to install some software, I had to connect to the Internet so it could connect to windows. Laptops these days, now come with your home screen being live news reports and headlines. So when you are connected to the Internet, which most of the time we are, you are FORCED to see images and words that even if you did not seek out to see, you now have in your brain, your thoughts and now you need to think about it. I think this is very wrong, and that's where I think, although there is stuff making news, where do my choices come in? I'm forced now to know what's going on, who's died, what disease is spreading, I'm forced to think and be negative when all I wanted was to install publisher 2007 on my laptop to make my magazine. That's where I believe the news/Internet etc is as responsible at causing terror and fear as the people/topics they report about. When do I get break so I can live in my reality and not have to constantly be forced to think of these issues. I don't think that's being selfish and or unrealistic. But I cannot take on board every news article, and I am being forced to. I had to avoid fb and instGram for a really long time, as people on there were sharing links of sad or bad news. What about just writing funny status updates and sharing a picture of your dog or two???!! Part of the problem Is devices like smart phones. We didn't have these not that long ago, so having one means there is more chance of hearing something or seeing something as you are connected to the Internet and millions of people at every moment your phone is turned on.
Don't get me wrong, technology and the Internet, do have an important role to play and are life saving and changing, but with every good there are faults.
I guess to conclude, ive had to work really really had to get out of the horror I was living the past 4 months. Thank goodness morning sickness has settled, so that's helped my fight, but I really was frightened and living with so much fear, sadness and negativity, despite my personal life not being filled with those things. I was taking on board these news reports, words and images and because of how often they were forced on me, my brain had no room for reality, had no room to process it and no energy to think positively. The negativity was replacing my positivity and I had to make a huge effort to replace the negativity again. My brain can only handle so much. The two cannot live side by side. Maybe it's just my brain, and it's lack of not being able to function 100% correctly, but I have to do what works and what bring life to me, not what brings me down.
I hope this hasn't made you feel to negative. Instead, if you've been struggling like me, to think positively about the world and your life, perhaps I've given you an idea of what might be bringing you down. Turn off the news. Spend less time on social media. Return to your reality. If you trust in a God, trust God, and now get on with life. That's what I'm choosing to do. And the decision to do so, has given me so much energy and clear thinking. Choosing to say no to the negativity and actively avoid it, actually is life giving, despite how big and necessary we are made to believe it is.
I don't want you to start thinking negTivly towards people who run the news and media. But for me, I'm not a fan of how they work. They are always negative. Very negative. The news is no longer censored. It's raw and upsetting and we are expected to switch off once they've finished sharing the negativity. There are good people doing good things. Where are they?? Where's the balance? Why do we need to find the good and the bad is just shared with us! They hang out on fb and main stream tv a lot, they print trashy newspapers and love it when your connected to the Internet on smart devices, so maybe use those less if your finding like me, life was looking miserable. Because my life is this, I live in Ringwood. I have a son and a husband. I have a baby I'm dying to meet growing inside of me. I like sewing and baking. I have picnics. I make a handmade magazine. We spread news as well. News on now to make cake. News on wonderful people. News on how to make bunting. Anything and everything is news. I'm choosing to fill my life with positive, happy news, as I will then feel positive and happy. We are controlled by what fills our lives. We become what fills our lives. If it's negativity, we become negative. It's simple. I didnt know this. But now that I look back I can see it.
Hope you can to!
P.S I do hope this does not upset or offend anyone. There is crappy news and I'm not saying just get over it or that it's your fault for reading the paper. For some people the news is an important part of their lives. It may bring comfort knowing whats going on. But I've had to identify what's been bringing me down, and it's the unhealthy amount I am exposed to this information. It's in my face more than my choice to buy a newspaper or watch the 7oclock report. We are only human. We cannot understand everything. We are controlled by our emotions. At some point, for some of us, like me, too much of one emotion, in this case negativity, can rid us of life. It becomes our lives and I cannot live that way anymore. And this post is sharing how I learnt about it for me and how you may be being affected as well. If your not, then hooray for you and your ability to think calmy and logically and keep living in your reality. I've got a long way to go to get there. I don't even know how I will maintain this positivity but I've got to try for my sake and my families. Life's good. Can't they show that on the news!
